Leave The Pieces When You Go… September 10, 2008

So the last two weeks or so I have been experiencing what one may call a broken heart. It has been very interesting for me because usually a guy and I break up and I am upset but I do not continue contact with that person for a little while or they at least do not talk to me right away. With this relationship, the guy has continued to call me, text me, im me and message me even after breaking up with me. He started to say how he missed me and how he messed up.

So yah, it is great he realizes that he messed up but what is he going to do about it? I feel as if the last two weeks he has spent more time telling he misses me and how he wants me back rather then showing me that he misses me or wants me back. As my mom says it is not what they say it is what they do.

Last wednesday I decided I would put some effort into making it work so I went over to his place and met his two roommates who are girls. They are so sweet and awesome. I had a great time but it was so so hard to see him and I was so afraid just to fall back into things. He was drunk seeing as though they were having a little party and we ended up kissing, just a peck and he murmured something and looked frustrated. When I asked what was wrong he said ” i just miss you ” – translation into boy language ->>>> “I really really wish we could just make out” Thankfully I have some sort of control over myself and did not let that occur. But I left that night missing him even more and wondering if I should just jump back into things.

I have not seen him since last wednesday because I had to go home for my sister-in-law’s baby shower – which was a blastttt by the way! SO CUTE! - 

This monday we were supposed to hang out. He asked me to come over but I hadn’t been home that much so I asked him if he wanted to come over to my house at school while I unpacked. He said yah, just let me know if you are up for it! So I told him I was home and he said you are coming over. I couldn’t believe my ears. When I called him – long story short – he said that he was in bed, wanted me to come over, didn’t listen to a word I had said before, oh and get this: he didn’t want to lose his parking spot….

Basically what this means is a parking spot was more important then getting me back.

All this really really hurt and I sort of lost it monday night. I blasted Hot ‘N Cold by Katy Perry as high as it could go on my speakers and ran around the house. My roommate was a little bit nervous and decided it would be best if we got out of the house. He drove me to Tim Hortons and let me vent and vent in the car. When I got back home the guy had messaged me telling me he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. He knows that if we date it will end bad and I’ll get hurt again and that he’s an asshole. Then he proceeded to ask me to go out with him and his friends tonight… 

Honestly?! Like what?! Mixed signals are one of the worst things you can give to someone I think. The last 2 and a half weeks I have spent wondering does this mean we are getting together again? Or are we just friends? Or….

So to all of you out there reading this – next time you feel down and are wondering whether that person wants you or not. If the person you are with is not making it clear they want to be with you, if they keep you guessing – then maybe just maybe, you deserve something so much better. You deserve someone who will make it SO clear that they want you, need you, that you never ever will have to think twice about it. And if, iffff you do end up second-guessing yourself the person you are with will stop those thoughts from occurring and let you know how much you mean to them. They will not be stopped from coming over and making things work because they do not want to lose their precious parking spot on the street.

I am trying so hard to just learn this and remember that I deserve better so if you are thinking well maybe they deserve another chance…I mean they just messed up! Think about how much pain you have been put through being strung along, never knowing where your relationship is going and giving that person all the power. Stick up for yourself. You deserve to know where your relationship is going and what that person wants in return.

I plan on going out with my girls tomorrow night and feeling fabulous and not letting the fact that I’ve been let go, twice, by the same guy, in a matter of three weeks. It hurts like hell, fricken a, does it hurt like hell! But you know what? It’s nothing a great top, fabulous pair of shoes, kick ass pair of jeans, and a nice cold beer with my girlfriends won’t take care of.

Smile. You’re wonderful.

Alright…I’m going to go watch When Harry Met Sally and sulk on my bed…. – Hey, I said I’d start trying to feel better tomorrow!

And It All Begins Again… August 27, 2008

Well it has been quite a while since I have written on here and once again I apologize. It seems as if I just get in the blog mood only once in a while!

So I am living in a house with three guys and let me tell you so far everything is going great. The one guy, who is bisexual, and I have gotten very close. He’s super sweet and has the same sense of humor as me. We get along so well and I am happy I finally have someone to hang out with. He is not afraid to be his self which I love. He’s my new “girl friend” and we have our wonderful girl nights which is fabulous. Honestly, having a gay guy friend is a lot of fun and a lot less stressful. It’s like Will and Grace!

Then there is the other roommate, who is a grad student and he is pretty awesome as well. He brought a Wii with him which makes me SOOO happy and he has been great about everything around the house. The 4th roommate has not moved in yet but I think it will go very smoothly.

In other news: You know how sometimes everything can be going so well and then one thing will just ruin it all out of nowhere? Well….that guy I was talking about before was my boyfriend for a while and then it just all fell apart last week. I think we rushed into it and it is mostly my fault because I was so excited about him and wanted him to be my boyfriend while he wanted to wait. Over the last few weeks I have learned a few things about him and he has learned a few things about me and it was pretty clear that it would just not work out. He is just too straight-edged and if you knew my family you would understand how he would NOT mesh with us!

I guess I have learned my lesson for the three-thousandth time….DON’T RUSH INTO THINGS! But I cannot help myself. I just get so excited about a person and want to be with them and just experience things with them right away. I jump right into the deep end and forget how to swim. I apparently have the 2-week curse….I meet someone, we date unofficially for a bit, and then once we start officially dating it only takes two weeks before I am like “What the hell am I doing?”. I then proceed to get my heart broken and try and figure out what is wrong with me. I was doing so well this summer too!

Oh well, shit happens! I spent enough time crying on friday night and now I am trying to just concentrate on school since this was my first week. The boy is still trying to talk to me and I just do not understand how guys think they can just break your heart and then expect you to be OK with them coming over and wanting to all of a sudden NOW go to parties with you.

I’m lucky enough to be in a new house with new people and starting fresh in a new semester meaning I definitely have enough around me to distract me from a broken heart. However, the pain still stings and I am sure it will for a while but whatever as long as I have some delicious ice cream near me and a good friend or two to talk to I think I’ll be fine.

Oh and we got a new puppy at home. We named her Ellie after my friend Tess’ mom who passed away a year and a half ago. She is the sweetest thing and I am so happy we have her now. Here is a pic of her for you all to be jealous of! Hope everyone had a great week – I’m going to finish some homework…( I can’t believe I’m saying that ) and go to bed. I’ll blog more…I swear.

 

 

Our new baby girl Ellie!

“You are too picky” July 16, 2008

My 92-year-old grandmother — Maga as we like to call her — has lived with us since I was a little girl. She is still very much with it and having lived a lot longer than I have, she gives pretty good advice. This past Sunday I went downstairs to her little “apartment” and sat down to talk with her because it had been a while. I told her about the party I went to on Friday and about baby-sitting earlier that day. She asked me how this summer had been for me, and I said, ‘oh you know, it’s been OK. There have not been too many guys but oh well.’

Her reply was almost immediate. She said, ‘well you know Brielle, you are too picky.’

‘Now…I don’t know about that,’ was my first response. But as I sat back and listened to what she said I think maybe she was telling the truth. I have had boyfriends over the years but nothing has ever lasted very long because I always find a fault or they just end up being jerks. Although I haven’t had great luck in this department you can’t say I haven’t tried!

I think I know what I like… but I’m still trying to figure out exactly what that is. Every time I meet someone new I have this list of things in my mind with little checkboxes that I check off. Are they sport-hunters? Are they homophobic? Are they overly religious?

I can’t help it — I just do not want to date a homophobic, right-wing Bush lover who thinks God is the answer to life and that killing animals for fun is AWESOME. Clearly I’m not into homophobic, freakly religious, republican men who hunt. Is that a problem? I mean no offense to anybody who is into that, it is just NOT for me.

My grandma brought up the fact that I once dumped a guy because he hunted. OK so the hunting did NOT turn me on but I mean maybe I just did not feel it or maybe the image of him pulling out a rifle and killing a poor little beautiful deer was just not appetizing to me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a die-hard vegetarian or anything but at least we eat the food that is killed. Hunting for sport drives me INSANE.

Anyway, I am getting off topic. Is being picky the reason why I have not found someone yet? Who knows? Yes, I am only nineteen — almost twenty years old — but I’d like to find something close to what my brother, sister, and parents have. They have love and I want it! But I guess I am just not ready to lower my standards to find it.

Honestly, I am really not THAT picky. I mean I just want a tall, dark, handsome guy who is funny, sensitive, loves animals, could dress up as a woman if needed (you would have to know my family…), is on the liberal side of things and would not mind a non-religious life (I’ll accept relatively benign if he’s drop-dead gorgeous). Oh, and if you could throw in an accent there (preferably Irish, Scottish, or English), that would be fabulous.

I mean am I really that picky? Is that too much to ask?