Moving forward through it all August 5, 2008

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you have had so many different things occur and had so many changes happen that you kind of just want to go out into an open field and scream until you have let all your crazy, tied-up emotions out?

Let’s just say that is has been one of those weeks, and then some. I have gone from living in an apartment on campus with 3 girls…to living at home…and now…to maybe living in a house off campus…with 3 guys. I have had some realizations about some friends (now acquaintances of mine) and have realized that they are really not the people I thought they were. I have gone from being single to being in a relationship? Or together? – Let’s just say we’re in that awkward stage between dating and being in an official relationship. But still, that’s something new for me since I haven’t had a crush on a guy in months – and that’s saying something.

One thing I can say is that over this past week I have grown. I have stood up for myself and taken a stand against things I knew were not right even if it meant I would look like the loser in the situation. I have stopped letting people walk all over me, a thing I have done since I was little, and realized that having someone not like me is really not the end of the world. And last but not least I have become fully aware of the fact that I do not need people’s approval in order for my world to spin. 

I have come to find that in the end the only person you can really count on is yourself and in my case I also have my family. I have started to concentrate on how I feel and what I want out of things rather then making things easier for others and compromising my own happiness. Now that’s not to say I will change completely and become this cold-hearted bitch who will not have any sympathy for others because that is not simply who I am. I am still the same overly sensitive, people-pleasing, 19-yr-old hoping to make things right for everyone but with just a little bit more of a spine holding me together.

One thing is for sure, if it all works out with the three guys in the house, it is going to be one interesting hell of a year!

A special thanks goes out to my parents, and my cousin Natalie, who without, I might have just literally screamed in some public place just to let it all out – Instead they let me cry to them, talk to them, and most importantly they gave me their advice and support through it all. Honestly, with a family like mine, you are never alone and it is one of the most comforting things in the world.

So next time you are having a bad week just know…it all has to get better, and it will and if you can’t handle things for the time being – take a pillow and scream into it as loud as you possibly can. You will feel so much better. Believe me, I definitely did it once or twice this week!