And It All Begins Again… August 27, 2008

Well it has been quite a while since I have written on here and once again I apologize. It seems as if I just get in the blog mood only once in a while!

So I am living in a house with three guys and let me tell you so far everything is going great. The one guy, who is bisexual, and I have gotten very close. He’s super sweet and has the same sense of humor as me. We get along so well and I am happy I finally have someone to hang out with. He is not afraid to be his self which I love. He’s my new “girl friend” and we have our wonderful girl nights which is fabulous. Honestly, having a gay guy friend is a lot of fun and a lot less stressful. It’s like Will and Grace!

Then there is the other roommate, who is a grad student and he is pretty awesome as well. He brought a Wii with him which makes me SOOO happy and he has been great about everything around the house. The 4th roommate has not moved in yet but I think it will go very smoothly.

In other news: You know how sometimes everything can be going so well and then one thing will just ruin it all out of nowhere? Well….that guy I was talking about before was my boyfriend for a while and then it just all fell apart last week. I think we rushed into it and it is mostly my fault because I was so excited about him and wanted him to be my boyfriend while he wanted to wait. Over the last few weeks I have learned a few things about him and he has learned a few things about me and it was pretty clear that it would just not work out. He is just too straight-edged and if you knew my family you would understand how he would NOT mesh with us!

I guess I have learned my lesson for the three-thousandth time….DON’T RUSH INTO THINGS! But I cannot help myself. I just get so excited about a person and want to be with them and just experience things with them right away. I jump right into the deep end and forget how to swim. I apparently have the 2-week curse….I meet someone, we date unofficially for a bit, and then once we start officially dating it only takes two weeks before I am like “What the hell am I doing?”. I then proceed to get my heart broken and try and figure out what is wrong with me. I was doing so well this summer too!

Oh well, shit happens! I spent enough time crying on friday night and now I am trying to just concentrate on school since this was my first week. The boy is still trying to talk to me and I just do not understand how guys think they can just break your heart and then expect you to be OK with them coming over and wanting to all of a sudden NOW go to parties with you.

I’m lucky enough to be in a new house with new people and starting fresh in a new semester meaning I definitely have enough around me to distract me from a broken heart. However, the pain still stings and I am sure it will for a while but whatever as long as I have some delicious ice cream near me and a good friend or two to talk to I think I’ll be fine.

Oh and we got a new puppy at home. We named her Ellie after my friend Tess’ mom who passed away a year and a half ago. She is the sweetest thing and I am so happy we have her now. Here is a pic of her for you all to be jealous of! Hope everyone had a great week – I’m going to finish some homework…( I can’t believe I’m saying that ) and go to bed. I’ll blog more…I swear.

 

 

Our new baby girl Ellie!

Moving forward through it all August 5, 2008

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you have had so many different things occur and had so many changes happen that you kind of just want to go out into an open field and scream until you have let all your crazy, tied-up emotions out?

Let’s just say that is has been one of those weeks, and then some. I have gone from living in an apartment on campus with 3 girls…to living at home…and now…to maybe living in a house off campus…with 3 guys. I have had some realizations about some friends (now acquaintances of mine) and have realized that they are really not the people I thought they were. I have gone from being single to being in a relationship? Or together? – Let’s just say we’re in that awkward stage between dating and being in an official relationship. But still, that’s something new for me since I haven’t had a crush on a guy in months – and that’s saying something.

One thing I can say is that over this past week I have grown. I have stood up for myself and taken a stand against things I knew were not right even if it meant I would look like the loser in the situation. I have stopped letting people walk all over me, a thing I have done since I was little, and realized that having someone not like me is really not the end of the world. And last but not least I have become fully aware of the fact that I do not need people’s approval in order for my world to spin. 

I have come to find that in the end the only person you can really count on is yourself and in my case I also have my family. I have started to concentrate on how I feel and what I want out of things rather then making things easier for others and compromising my own happiness. Now that’s not to say I will change completely and become this cold-hearted bitch who will not have any sympathy for others because that is not simply who I am. I am still the same overly sensitive, people-pleasing, 19-yr-old hoping to make things right for everyone but with just a little bit more of a spine holding me together.

One thing is for sure, if it all works out with the three guys in the house, it is going to be one interesting hell of a year!

A special thanks goes out to my parents, and my cousin Natalie, who without, I might have just literally screamed in some public place just to let it all out – Instead they let me cry to them, talk to them, and most importantly they gave me their advice and support through it all. Honestly, with a family like mine, you are never alone and it is one of the most comforting things in the world.

So next time you are having a bad week just know…it all has to get better, and it will and if you can’t handle things for the time being – take a pillow and scream into it as loud as you possibly can. You will feel so much better. Believe me, I definitely did it once or twice this week!